The last few weeks of politics in the UK have been as tumultuous and procedural-ridden as they ever have been for at least a generation. The Brexit crisis is in full swing, and it has tested the limits of the mother of all parliaments and her unwritten, uncodified constitution that’s based more off centuries of tradition and precedence than any given written law. And unless you’re a real parliament nerd like me, who revels in the delights of subtle and firm put downs in the Queen’s English and the heated and often rancorous atmosphere that lines the walls of the Commons, you’ll probably be wondering what the hell has been going on? Well, never fear, this nerd has got your back and we can explore this very British chaos together.

July 24th, 2019, is the day the current run of crisis hit the commons, in the form of a new PM. Yes, you guessed it, our very own BJ is at the helm, promising that we can all have our cake and eat it too, that only he can deliver a Brexit deal where his competitors would fail, and that no matter what we would leave the EU, 31st of October, deal or no deal.

And so, as PM, Boris ran over to Europe and with the diplomacy and charisma that only comes when you spend thousands of pounds to go to Eton, boldly assured us that a deal was in the works and no deal, while still very much on the table, was off the table. Trouble is that Boris has somewhat been a victim of his own success, in that he is now PM, but nobody believes a word he says.

Now around the same time, and it should say something that even a nerd like me can’t keep a track of the exact timeline of things, even with ferocious googling; Boris announced prorogation of parliament which got a lot of people very upset. Essentially, he was announcing that Parliament would be suspended for 5 weeks so that he can deliver a Queen’s speech which would outline his legislative priorities in the new parliamentary session. And for a new parliamentary session to be started, the old one must end. No big deal. And that is what he and his posse argued across the press. But the time length was longer than usual, and the timing was very convenient for the government; a little too convenient the opposition thought and so they besieged the government with their disagreement and dislike for what they thought was a move by the government to avoid parliamentary scrutiny and covertly push a no deal. But this move falls under the Royal prerogative, which is a phrase that describes the old timey medieval power of a monarch to do whatever they wanted, which in modern days works off the advice, which is not really advice but more of an order, of the PM to the Queen and so despite the court challenges, prorogation was happening.

Jumping a little ahead we get to the 3rd of September 2019, the reopening of parliament following the summer recess, and here is where the action really goes all Hollywood as the government faces off the Rebel alliance, which is made up of MPs all devoted to stopping a no deal Brexit. The Rebel table (which is just a fancy way of proposing) a motion, under standing order 24 to take control of parliamentary business. S.O. 24 allows for an emergency debate on an issue of urgency, so long as the speaker agrees with the need to debate. The speaker did agree in this instance, and so they debated, within the emergency debate, on the motion as to whether the opposition would take control of the parliamentary timetable for the purposes of proposing a bill to stop no deal Brexit. BJ was not idle however and threatened that anyone who votes for the motion will have the whip withdrawn. While that may sound kinky, sadly S&M fans it is not that type of whip but rather he’s saying that they would be kicked out of the party if they voted for the motion. Overall, 21 MPs rebelled against the government and voted for the motion, including a former chancellor, Winston Churchill’s grandson and the longest serving MP: The Father of the House. Not to mention there was also a Tory MP who defected to the Lib Dems by crossing the floor to the opposition while the PM was making a speech.

The Government lost, and so tabled a motion for a general election, complaining that they have no majority and they can’t govern and that they didn’t want an election but that this calamity had been forced upon them by the red devils sitting opposite them. Labour have been quite vociferous in their calls for an election over the past few months, saying that they need to end the tyranny by the government and stop the poor from being eaten. However, the proposed election was rejected because, perhaps they like to see Boris lose or more likely they don’t trust him to not pull some arcane procedure to get around the law or perhaps even to just ignore the law all together. So, they said they’d call an election only once the law passed and either an extension had been given or the government had a new deal for leaving that was acceptable in the Commons.

The bill moved over to the Lords and while some Brexit Lords stayed up well past their bed time of 4:00PM, they gave up, and the bill was due to be passed on the 9th of September. Which it did. And as I write this, Royal assent has been given and Lo! It is the law of the land.

The bill essentially says that the PM must go to the EU to ask for a 3 month extension by the 19th of October if he does not have a new deal that is acceptable to the Commons and if the EU offers another date, this will be debated in Parliament against no deal which, if the Commons agrees with the new date, would force the PM within 2 days to accept the date of extension.

And while BJ lost another snap election bid again on the 9th, which for those of you keeping count is his 6th loss for 6 votes, the chances of an election are very much inevitable. The Government cannot function without a majority in the Commons and after the extension malarkey is sorted the opposition will coalesce and election season will be upon us. And so, in these crisis times, when the future hangs in the balance of a few votes either way, it is of the utmost importance that we each have our say and our voices are heard. Our quality of life depends on it and if things turn south at least you can tell your friends and children, “it wasn’t my fault”.